It is extremely important to note that absolutely none of the quotes below are real. This is an entirely bogus satire of an individual who could and probably should use his brain better. Thanks for reading!
Several reports emerged earlier today revealing that Mike Yeo is not expected to return as head coach of the Philadelphia Flyers for the 2022-23 season. We ambushed Yeo as he left a South Jersey Wawa for more commentary.
As Yeo picked up his large coffee (which had fallen out when this reporter jumped between two cars) to throw it in the nearest trash can, he said, “Well, that was tough, you know. You lose double digit games multiple times a season and then you have to hear Flyers fans tell you how fat your mom is and remind me that yeah I don’t have any hair right now…that…that costs me … »
When asked if Yeo had considered taking the job as head coach for next season, he laughed and cried for a minute before listing a series of jobs he would rather have than coaching the Philadelphia Flyers next season:
- Human crash test dummy
- Filter Twitter comments for Elon Musk
- Professional muffin eater
- Travel Lawyer for Columbus, OH
- Appear as Buzz Lightyear at Disney World
- SEPTA Transport Police
- Guy on TMZ who ambushes celebrities going to the gym with a camera
- Tax attorney for the Trump Organization
Phillies relief pitcher
- A guy who hangs out at the dump when someone comes over trying to find something he’s lost or is just a weirdo who wants to look at junk
- Taste tester for Arby’s
- Collection agent
- Director of x fast
The barber of Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis
- NHL Public Relations Director
- TikTok influencer
- Ben Simmons Motivational Coach
When asked if Yeo would consider starting a Flyers podcast, the former head coach quickly replied, “God, no. What am I, an idiot?